Friday, 6 November 2009

The World is Full of the Mentally Retarded - the Proof

Dear Mr Raj,
After reading your poem "The world is full of the mentally retarded." I embarked on a long and arduous journey to gather adequate proof of this obvious statement. Naturally I turned to that vast and increasingly ubiquitous encyclopaedia of of knowledge called the internet. However after weeks of sifting through megabytes of data I found proof in the unlikeliest of places.

I request all who are reading this to take of your hats and bow down low in the honour of my HOME


And I mean it. Literally. I did not have to travel any further for definitive, irrefutable, indisputable proof. The great Google was kind enough to catalog the millions of searches and analyse the data to create a list of intelligent(?) predictions whenever you type in a search term. This compilation of global search data proved to be invaluable.

So I proceeded to type in some search terms to see what the world was interested in. What Google revealed was an infinitely shocking list of disturbing search terms that seemed to immediately explain the ubiquitous presence of mental retardation in today's world.
The "why is... " queries were examined. Feast your eyes upon the result.

This is indeed a sorry state of affairs. According to statistics when millions of people go to Google and phrase a query beginning with "How to.." a majority of them wish know the mechanics of a tie. Of all the things in the world! A tie! #2 and #3 would probably explain why the population curve for humans is not sigmoid like so

Sigmoid Population Curve

but exponential like so

Exponential Population Curve
#4 and #5 are basically the same question. And I am reasonably confident that this is statistical proof of an increase in the quantity of anorexic people in the world.

Google clearly illustrates with disturbing accuracy the alarming trends shown by our population. But that wasn't proof enough for me. I needed data which scrubbed away the even tiniest shadow of doubts. And believe it or not I found it on the Great Google.

Prepare yourself for this one. The author asserts that he shall in no way be responsible for any damages incurred by the reader. (Includes injuries due to falling off chair, jumping so high with surprise that the jumper's head is crushed against the ceiling, jumping and following a parabolic path through the air and window into your nearest neighbour's dog kennel/cactus plantation.. et cetera, et cetera et ce...) It is also advisable that those with a history of heart attacks and/or have cardiac pace makers and/or have had heart surgery(bypass, angioplasty etc.) do not view the following image.


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